"Just Getting Started"

So, I had been getting a little bored of the talent that was spreading across the pages of match.com. I either kept seeing faces of guys I have already winked at, emailed with or even dated...and then a bunch of other guys that just aren't even worth a second look (sorry if that's mean, but it's true). My eye's have it down to a science, where I can quickly scan through the thumbnail pictures on my iphone and pick out the most decent ones. It only fails me about 20%, which can come back to bite me since everyone can tell when you look at their profile and it may seem like you're interested. Anyway, my eyes were doing their job when they came across and stopped on this one profile. His big smile shined, even through the tiny thumbnail. Immediately I clicked on his profile to scan the rest of his 20 pictures he had up. Everything checked out nicely...hair-brown, eyes-brown, height - 6 ft, good body, good clothes. Since the pictures checked out it was time to read about him, aka Phase 2 of "matching". He had a college degree (always a must), he was interested in the same things I was and he seemed to be looking for a girl like me so of course I winked.

The concept of "winking" is so ridiculous but at the same time I am completely on board with it. When you send a message right away you are really putting yourself out there. I find it less demoralizing to not get a wink back then to not get a message back...HOWEVER..getting the "Thanks, but No Thanks" response is pretty bad, gets ya right in the heart. I mean, really? Is it necessary? I am more a fan of the "just don't do anything and usually they get the hint" approach. I say usually becuase I have had a couple guys wink/email me mulitiple times. One guy emailed me on three separate occasions, with the same email..as in he obviously was too stupid to realize it was the same person just because I had changed my profile picture.

Anyway - to get back on track, I started emailing with this guy, back and forth for about a week. Our little cyber relationship was going well so naturally, as match.com protocol usually goes, we decided to meet.

However, let me take you back about a week before I started emailing with, we'll call him Mr.Baggage (you'll know why later). Back in college (all of 2 years ago), there was a guy that I met through a friend whom I was very attracted to, however I had a boyfriend at the time so he was off limits (for the most part). He played basketball for another college and a few of my volleyball teammates and his teammates often hung out. We obviously liked eachother but throughout the years either I had a boyfriend or he had a girlfriend - basically, the timing was just never right. I got a Facebook message from him letting me know he was going to be moving back to California soon and wanted to see what I was up to. We began talking/texting, virtually creating a relationship that was based on the past. I hadn't seen him in a year so all I really had were the memories from college. It was still another 4 months before he was actually moving home and to be honest, this cyber relationhsip was not cutting it. While we seemed to have the same connection, I did not want to wait 4 whole months to figure out whether that was true or not. So, what did I do? I flew back to Hawaii to find out.

Fast forward...so if you're able to follow along I was talking to both of them at once. Since Mr. Baggage wanted to meet, I figured we should meet before I headed to Hawaii to see this other guy, Mr. Hawaii "5 No". Mr. Baggage and I decided to meet on a Sunday night. He said he would be at The Grove working on some stuff for work the next day but we should meet for some coffee. This was perfect, very low key and no pressure. I walked into The Grove and figured the only guy by himself with big head phones and lap top must be him. When I saw his face in person I thought to myself, "Well done Jackie." His smile was just as good in person as it was in his photos. We talked for a few hours and took a stroll through the Marina, eventually leading to my apartment. Since we seemed to have hit it off, and because I was leaving that coming Thursday, we both agreed to see each other Wednesday. That didn't exactlty go as planned.

Sunday - First meeting
Monday - Got from from the gym, about to have dinner when he calls and asks if I want to get dinner...yes.
Tuesday... Tuesday deserves it's own little story. All around, Tuesdays are often known as "Taco Tuesdays". My Taco Tuesdays are usually at a place called Nick's Crispy Tacos (If you haven't been, GO!!). Mr.Baggage called Tuesday informing me that he was at Blue Light for Taco Tuesday and I should join. I figured "what the hell, why not." I was too late for taco's but I was not too late for beer - a lot of cheap beer. We started to get a little tipsy and ended up kissing the bar. He proceeded to tell me that he would love it if I came home with him. Me being A) a little drunk and b)A little curious decided to say "yes". Mistake? Maybe...Willing to take the chance? Apparantly........

to be continued...

"Bad Romance.."

You know the song "It's a small world after all" (and the worlds most boring ride ever invented to go with it...) - well that song has some merit. I am constantly amazed at the many run-in's I have with people either at the most random times or in the most random places. Sometimes I have to think to myself, "What are the odds of this??"'; usually they're pretty slim if not downright astronomical. I had this experience a few weeks after my dud filled dates

For a brief moment I began chatting with a guy who, on paper, seemed to be exactly the kind of guy I would set myself up with - (since clearly I have impeccable taste in men..). In a nutshell he was tall, (not so) dark, and handsome; played baseball AND graduated from Columbia University; grew up and had just arrived from the East Coast....ya this sounded like it could end quite nicely (and by nicely I mean me in a white dress walking down the isle in a church in, oh I don't know, Rhode Island somewhere..). Things progressed in the usual manner of match.com-ing and within a week or so we had exchanged phone numbers and decided to meet up for some drinks.

Whilst texting on the day of our date, we were trying to figure out where to go. I always feel as though I am the one to choose - for once it would be nice for the guy to say "Were going to ______" (but that's really irrelevant and more of just a common theme running in my dating life). However, I will give this guy a break because even though we were both new to the city he literally had physically moved here less than two weeks prior - so sure, I'll pick the place. For convenience reasons I decided to figure out where he lived and based on that I would choose a middle point for our date. The conversation went little like this...

Texting
Me - "so where should we go?"
Name not worth mentioning : "I don't know, you know the area better so you pick"
Me - "Ok, what area do you live in so I can figure out where would be good for both of us"
Him: "I live in the Marina"
Me: "Oh good, me too...where at?"
Him: " "Franklin and Lombard"

(For those of you who know me, now you can see why this conversation was worth mentioning........for everyone else, well, just read on)

Me: "I LIVE AT FRANKLIN AND LOMBARD..."

Naturally at this part I had dialed his phone number to talk about this amazing coincidence. I mean seriously...what are the odds that the guy lives TWO apartments down from me?? After the discussion about the odds went on for a couple minutes we settled on heading up a couple streets to Polk Street where we would settle on a little bar (which I always forget the name of and have only gone that one time). It wasn't a bad bar or anything just not the social scene I am usually in (older crowd really.) Anyway, even though I was starving he had already eaten and the last thing any girl would want to do on her first date is be the piggy eating all by herself while he just watches...um, no thank you. So I sucked it up and agreed to grabbing a couple beers. While at the bar we went over our college pasts, our current presents and hopes for our upcoming futures. Each of us seemed to be pretty driven and I felt like we had a least a little bit of a connection. Like, (yes I am actually using the word like in this literary piece, deal with it...) if I were to grade our date I would have given it a solid B. It wasn't the knock your socks off kind of date but it was definitely above average (at least in my eyes). He walked me home/walked himself home and we parted ways. After that first date we texted each other the next day bit but since I didn't want to be the one making all the first moves I was going to leave the ball in his court...unfortunately it's still there. For whatever reasons (and his loss may I add) he would have graded this date below average. While in almost all of my previous dates, I was the one dismissing the guy, this really felt like the first time I was being dismissed. And for my FRIENDS fans out there, to quote Phoebe, "I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter." Although, while I was a bit bummed to be rejected from this super cute guy who seemed to have everything I wanted, this was part of the match.com life. You win some, you lose some, but you always get a story - hense this entire blog concept ....

Neighbor and I never spoke again, but one night when I was walking myself home from the bars I happen to pass a guy. A guy that only when we actually passed each other did it register...it was him. It quickly ran through my head "was that him??" and I turned around only to find him turned around as well. However, each of us turned right back around and probably thought the same thing..."awkward!"

And - while I am touching on the subject of awkwardness and random encounters here is another one of those "what are the odd's moments." Ready, set, go...

To be honest I am not sure when this actually happened but I want to say it was before my date with Neighbor. I was visiting my parents for the weekend and on that Sunday my dad and decided to Costco. Now, I don't have a Costco card so if I ever want to go I go to the one in Danville with the 'rents. So, there we were, making our way up and down the crowded, fully stocked with of everything you could possibly think of isle when I happened to veer off into the wine section. While doing so I saw this extremely tall guy handing out wine samples and talking to customers about each kind. All I saw was the back of him, and to confirm my notions I moved myself in to a position where I could see him but he couldn't see me. Then it was confirmed...IT WAS ONE OF MY OLD DATES... remember the super tall guy I went to the Giants game with?...YA. The reason this is so random is that he lives in the South San Francisco area and this wine business that he works for (that I totally forgot he did so) is in Santa Cruz and here I was in Danville. None of these places are near each other and the fact that I hardly ever go to Costco made the encounter even weirder. I ran up to my Dad and made him aware of the situation. Of course he says "Did you go say hi?" Yea Dad, just as I was ducking out of the wine section at ultra high speed I was thinking how nice it would be to catch up with a guy that I blew off...NO THANKS!

Words of the wise (by wise I mean me) - Never underestimate the world and it's mistakingly large size, for in fact just when you think the odds couldn't get any smaller - those odds show up on your door step.

"Another One Bite's The Dust"

I think it's fair to say that after my last date with Mr. Cheapskate my take on Match.com dating was starting to decline. And to be honest - the next couple of dates helped dig that ditch a little deeper. In fact, they are almost not worth mentioning considering how dull and lame both were. What was going on? Match - you are starting to fail me!

I am going to make these short and sweet - because frankly if I didn't you would probably fall asleep just as I could have...and I was actually on the dates!

Dud #1 -

I definitely fell victim to the fact that Dud #1 looked much better in his pictures (his two pictures) then he did in person. In his pictures he looked like your typical California guy - tall, blonde, good build, tan skin..etc.

Rewind for a split second - I really hate when people only post one or two pictures of themselves on their profile. I base my initial judgments on pictures more than I do on content. Even if I love what you have to say and it seems like we're a match made in heaven..if I don't like how you look in your pictures, why would I want to talk to you - shallow; yes I know...deal with it! While we're on the subject - posting grainy photos, photos with other girls or photos of random crap that no one care's about aren't going to get girls dying to go out with you.

Anyways - back to the Dud. So we talked for a little bit and then he decided that we should just "cut the small talk" and meet. Obviously I am up for anything (even if that means losing a couple hours out of my valuable life that I will never get back). He lived over the Richmond district, which I was not at all familiar with so I also figured it would be a good chance to see a new area of the city. We met at little bar he knew of. Of course I arrived first. All that kept going through my head was - "DON'T ASSUME ANYONE IS HIM UNTIL HE SPEAKS FIRST"..based on my previous track record of mistaking strangers for my dates I waited until he utterd "Jackie?" As I turned around I was hoping that my look of disappointment was being kept inside and not bluntly streaming across my face - that just wouldn't be nice. He was much skinnier in person and his teeth...oh god his teeth - not cute. No wonder why he was not smiling in his pictures. Unfortunately for me, I am not so mean that I would make up an excuse to hurry myself away from the situation. We went inside and grabbed a table and ordered some much needed beers. After I downed the first one - (partly to try and gain some beer goggles to better look at this guy with, but also hoping it would numb the dullness radiating out of him.) Then, once again, to be nice I offered to pay for the second round (more than slightly expecting him to shew my money away from him and pay) and he says "sure." UGH - what is with the men these days?! Is it so hard to ask for some chivalry? I'm all for paying for stuff..don't get me wrong - but on the first date...when he asks?

There were a couple things about him that even if I was attracted to him physically, his personality just killed any shot in hell he would have had with me. Not only did he come across as close minded but just all together stupid...there's really no better word to describe. In fact - I am over even talking about him...bottom line - the date sucked!

Dud #2

Why I even thought this next date was going to go well is still a mystery. Even from the very beginning I kept saying to myself "he's cute but he seems like he's a nerd." But at the same time some nerds are cute and they aren't too nerdy so I figured I'd give him a chance. Plus he went to a good school, Cal Poly, seemed like he had a good job, family..blah blah blah. When we decided to meet for our first date we agreed to go to one of my favorite spots in the Marina, The Grove. The Grove is perfect because it's the type of place where if things are going well you can stay and chat for a while or if they aren't, the food comes quick and you can high tail your ass out!

We were meeting around 8 and as I was walking down from my apartment I started thinking about my outfit. I really didn't like the jeans I was wearing. They used to be a favorite of mine but were starting to just not fit as well anymore. One thing I absolutely can't stand is being uncomfortable because it becomes all I can think about. You could be talking but I won't hear a damn word if I am feeling uncomfortable in my clothes. So, as I am walking I notice that I am a little early so I decide to step into The GAP to browse. I end up finding a pair of jeans...which were super comfy but way too long. But I really didn't care as they were better than what I was wearing. Since I didn't want him to know I was shopping before our date I took my old pair of jeans and stuffed them in my purse.

When I got to The Grove he was sitting on a bench right outside - looking slightly gooberish. I vaugely saw him through a bush and recognized him so we met eyes and realized who each other were. When he said hi to me I really didn't even hear the words that came out of his mouth as I was distracted by his entirely too high pitched of a voice! - TERRIBLE!!! Have I mentioned that voices are a huge deal to me...or shall I say, dealBREAKER!?- BROKE! At least this guy paid for my dinner. As we were chatting, we started talking about Cal Poly. Since a lot of my good friends went there I asked if maybe he knew them, or was in a frat? played sports? something...nope. Boring. The guy didn't really party, probably had 2 friends and looked at everyone in sports and frats as ass holes. Clearly, this was not going anywhere..all I could think about during dinner was not only how bored I was but how I just spent $80 dollars on pair of jeans. Luckily I like them and wear them but still. Better luck next time I guess!....

On to the next

Bittersweet Symphony

Recently I had a conversation with one of my friends mom's about how there are some people who are so afraid of getting hurt they never take chances. Having an emotional wall up in the beginning of any relationship is understandable but at the same time it is important to not shut every new person out completely. Taking the chance to meet new people (whether that's online, in a bar, in a coffee shop or at the grocery store) is the only way you will ever find that special someone. Maybe that means making the first move..and yes, there is a possibility that you will be rejected. For as many people as I have dated, I'll admit I have been rejected by probably more.

With each new person that I date, (and by date that could mean one date or many), I learn something about myself. I find things in each guy that I really like or really don't like. For a long time my ideal match was in this juvenile bubble I created in high school. Up until Robert, my dating history consisted of only athletes- mainly baseball players. No offense to those who play baseball but honestly, 99% of you are exactly the same. I can pick out a baseball player from miles away...it's almost like a hidden talent. Anyway, my last relationship opened me up to a whole new breed of guys...called men. For so long I just dated these cocky boys. Now it's time to focus on finding a man.

When dating, there are things about the person that you're going to like and things you're going to put up with because the things you like out weigh the negatives. On a first date, there are only so many things you can learn about a person. However when it comes to those "deal-breakers", what better time to sniff them out like a first date. Everyone has different standards when it comes to men and dating. What is extremely important to one person may not be a factor at all for another.

A few weeks after my date with Owen I met another guy from Match. We started emailing for about a week and then moved on to texting after exchanging phone numbers. Our personalities really seemed to click. So much in fact that we even became facebook friends. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but if you think about it I am allowing him to take a deeper look into my life - and vise versa. He was a recent graduate of Chico state and by the looks of his pictures he was clearly fit for the part. Needless to say, this guy liked to party. After talking for a couple weeks we decided to get dinner one night. We came up with a plan - he'd pick me up, sushi for dinner then go get ice cream for dessert - sounds pretty standard. Originally we agreed on 7 pm but he was running late and it got pushed back about an hour. Strike 1 - I hate late people...I am always (ok 99% of the time) on time and find tardiness a testament to character.

So around 8, he finally gets to my place. Getting picked up is always a little tricky because the time in a car can really set up how the rest of the date probably will go. If things are awkward and silent in the car, odds are they are going to continue to be awkward the rest of the night. Luckily, this was not the case. It took us a while to find parking but eventually did and made our way down Filmore street to a little Japanese restaurant.

Side note - Choosing where to eat dinner can be tricky. There are some things that even though you love, might not be good "first date" food. For example - anything super peppery (gets in your teeth), super garlic-y (bad breath) or super spicy (might make you sweat). I find that sushi has the potential to be on this list. Not all sushi but if you are going to eat roll's- think twice. Most sushi rolls are meant to be eaten in one clean motion - however that usually leaves your mouth totally full and probably making a mess along the way. Or you make an even bigger mess if you try to bite it in half. It's not attractive ladies - so maybe think of somewhere else to go.

We ordered our food and decided to share a bunch of different rolls. Everything was delicious and the date seemed to be going well. After about an hour or so we were finished and ready to move on. The woman came with the bill and this is where it all went down hill.

THE BILL - one of the most awkward parts of any first date. As a female, this is where things get tricky. In our minds we are not expecting to pay however we don't want to ASSUME he's going to pay. For anyone who watches the show "How I Met Your Mother" there is an episode that shows this perfectly. One of the characters, Ted, call it the "check dance". The check dance is where the bill comes and the woman reaches for her purse/wallet as if she is going to help pay but the guy, ever so manly insists on paying for the bill. So while the woman shows she is not snobby by at least reaching for her wallet, it also allows the guy to feel powerful tell her "he's got this one."

THIS GUY DIDN'T DO THAT!!! I always do the check dance and up until this night the guy always insists on paying. Nope, not this night. I casually said "do you want me to pay anything?" Expecting him to say "No, I got this" ( or something to that effect), he instead threw a curve ball at me with "Sure, if you want to." Well shit...what do you say that? I have already offered so I can't retract that but I was legitimately dumbfounded. And quite frankly totally turned off. So, we split the bill and he has the balls to say "don't worry I got the ice cream" - oh really?? WOW thanks for splurging on my $2 ice cream - you're my night in shining armor! Oh then it gets better!! When we got to the ice cream parlor we realized, after ordering, that it was a cash only. The girl had already scooped our ice cream but told us about an ATM just across the street so he went to get money while I stayed behind. The fucking cheapskate has the audacity to text me to leave since we already had our ice cream - he asked me to steal 2 dollar ice cream...REALLY??!! So unattractive. I pretended like I didn't get the text so he had to come back and pay. What a real douche bag this guy is turning out to be. I couldn't wait for the date to be over. He drove me home after ice cream and I could tell he wanted me to lean in for the kiss but instead I got out of that car faster than a Kenyan can run a marathon. We did not speak after that.

It blows my mind to think about the quality of some guys out there. I know that there are some really great ones but there are some really shitty ones too. It's almost like manners don't matter anymore, chivalry is certainly dying and some people's morals are definitely questionable. Recently I have noticed that California boys in-particular are so laid back that it's like they were never taught how to respectfully treat a woman. Of course I don't want to lump all Califonria guy's in this catagory but through my research I am finding more and more that men from out of state have a better sense of manners and chivalry - opening doors, pulling out chairs, PAYING FOR FIRST DATES! etc...

Lesson #7 - To any and all men our there, please learn or refine your manners. It's really not that hard and believe me it goes a long way. While some women say that stuff doesn't matter ( I used to be one of them ) once you've had someone who does do all of that stuff you find it pretty endearing and actually important. And to all the ladies out there... make sure you make a least some form of gesture to pay for something. Hopefully you are with a man who is respectful enough to not make you pay. Sometimes what I do is if we go to get drinks after dinner I'll insist on at least paying for drinks (or at least the first one). The day I have kids, if any of them are boys I will make sure they know how to treat a women right - we're worth it!

"I Gotta Feeling"

When Robert and I first broke up I was a complete mess (as I'm sure anyone who has had their heart ripped from their chest and stomped on - then burned into ashes) can imagine. At that time all I wanted was to be in a relationship. Being someone's girlfriend felt so right and I had a vision set in my head of what I wanted - the whole shebang... I wasn't sure if I was ready or even wanted to go back on match but I figured I had such success the first time why not?

The thing that I like about sites like match.com is it allows you to be picky. Sure you are ultamately judging a book by it's cover but isn't that what we do most of the time anyway? You don't look across the bar and find a guy/girl and say "wow I bet they have a great personality"...no - you look at them and immedietly know if you are physically attracted. Granted, if someone is hot and has a shitty personality if can take away from their looks and vise versa. But when we are talking about first glance...we all judge - it's what we do. And for the record I usually do judge books by their cover - if I like the cover then I read the back, then I read the first few pages and if that captivates me I'll buy the book. The same process is applied to match.com. I see a picture of a guy and if I like it then I click on the profile. I read the "stats" (height, age, body type..) and if that checks out I read the rest of the profile. Then, if by the end of the profile I am convinced then I will "wink" or send a message. (I know this part was totally unnecessary but it gives you a little look at how the online dating process works for those of you reading this who might be interested in trying it out.)

Okay, so getting back on track...

About a month after the break up I decided to renew my subscription. When Robert and I were together we deleted out profiles. But this was good because I was a new person, looking for new things and it was only right that I created a new profile. Vitabella5 was officially back on the market -BRING ON THE MEN!!!....no BOYS allowed!

Within a week or two I began emailing a lot with this one guy. He was very cute, well spoken (written) and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. We started talking on the phone and our conversations would go on for hours. It seemed like we wanted the same things out life. Of course I went through my usual process of picturing the "what could be" vision. There was only one thing that was standing in the way of this vision. I couldn't get over the fact that he wasn't just tall he was extra tall - 6'5'' tall. Did I mention that I'm just shy of 5'3"?? My first college boyfriend was 6'3" and so I kept trying to convince myself that those extra two inches wouldn't be that much of a difference.

We decided to finally go on a date and see what kind of chemistry we really had. While I was really excited to finally meet him I kept having a feeling that his height was just going to be a deal breaker. I tried really hard to not let that be the deciding factor if everything else about him checked out. However, the negative thoughts just kept rolling through my head. Everywhere I went I would ask friends, co-workders and yes even strangers if it would be weird for someone of my height to date someone of his height. I kept picturing how awkard that might look (Lenny and George from Of Mice and Men?) Weird. In my spare time I acutally Googled famous couples who had extreme height differences, such as Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. This was getting out of hand. I needed to just let it go.

For our date we agreed on going to a Giants game on a Saturday afternoon. At the time this seemed like a perfect date!...cute boy, baseball and beer - I mean what could be better on a sunny afternoon? Since going to the game was my idea I was planning on paying for the tickets but being a gentleman he went ahead and bought them - and not even just the bleacher seats were talkin' the $50 seats. I was impressed. He told me that he would pick me up at 12 for the 1 o'clock game.

Getting ready for a baseball game is usually easy, however, when it's a first date it makes it a little more challenging. Do I look cute, hot, decked out in Giants gear? I decided to combine all three elements with a finalized outfit of cute cut off jeans with my Giants jersey (cute and sporty element - √ ), hair and make up done extra nice (sex appeal - √ ).

He picked me up and since he didn't actually get out of the car I still hadn't gotten the full effect of seeing how tall he really is. Of course since it's a baseball game I am in flats. When we arrived it literally took 7 seconds for me to realize that not only was this guy gigantic but it just wasn't going to work out romantically. Call me shallow, call me ridiculous but I just can't deal with that kind of height. Walking up to the stadium I kept glancing in reflective windows, catching glimpses of just how stupid I felt we looked standing next to each other. Of course he was really nice and we ended up having a good time but there was also one other element I didn't think about when choosing what to do for our date. As much as I love baseball I forgot to take into account just how long baseball games are. When going on a typical date you can easily escape after one drink or even after dinner, but when you go to a baseball game you are committing to at least 2 1/2 hours with this person you're meeting for the first time. This sets up some potentially awkward silences. Thank god for the sound of the ball park so that during these silences it's not utter silence! Finally the game ended and he drove me home. Naturally, when exiting the car I thanked him for a great day (ok, great might have been pushing it) and I told him "talk to you later, we should totally hang out again"...lies, all lies. Not sure why we do this, as if it's some post dating protocol, but I should have just thanked and left. However, I always find myself telling the guy we should "do it again sometime"even when that is exactly the opposite of my intentions...(For any FRIENDS fan's out there this is similar to a problem Chandler had when trying to break things off with Rachel's boss). Needless to say we did not talk ever again - oh well!

Lesson #6 - Intuitions are a funny thing. When we have intuitions about something it's usually only after we do that something that we say "I should have trusted my intuition" - and it's true. There is something deep inside all of us in which we have some unexplainable gifts but because we are human and make mistakes it's easy to neglect these feelings. Whether it's a serious issue or not it's good to trust your intuition.

Also - I found this article and think it's a quite interesting - and it hits home to my personal dating life and possibly yours as well so check it out!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-the-guy-whos-not-your-type-may-be-mr-right-1400862/

"So Much for My Happy Ending"

Initially I was going to walk you through the next six months of my life. I was going to give you the inside look to how much I fell in love with Robert - how I truly believed he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But after much thought I realized that for how much I was in love with him the reality is he dumped me and broke my heart straight in two. And I could get into all the details but the truth is while trying to write this all down proved to be a little harder on me than I thought it would be. So, I am going to give a 30 second run down of it all just so you can get up to speed with my life. Here it goes...

After that first date we went on a second date before he left for an annual 2 week Costa Rica surf trip with his best friends family. He ended up leaving it early and came home. From that day on we were basically inseparable. Within a couple weeks he had made me a key to his apartment, rearranged the furniture in his place and began to call it "our apartment." By month 2 I was basically living with him. His mom came out to visit, we traveled to Philly to see his best friends, we hiked, traveled by motorcycle all around the coast, sailed the bay and frequently spent beautiful nights in the hills of Belmont at his Aunt and Uncles house. Everything felt right, and everything felt real. We were in love and there was nothing that I THOUGHT could come between us. However, 6 months later he proved me wrong.

One thing about Robert, which I knew about him going into the relationship, was that he had a huge fear of commitment. However, since all of our "couple-y" decisions were his idea I thought (as every girl dreams) that I was the girl worth changing for.

Unfortunately, I fell victim to a man who thought he wanted a grown up relationship when in reality he didn't want that at all. He is a great person but a person who could easily end up alone for the rest of his life - not unhappy - but alone by choice. I, on the other, hand know what I want. At the young age of 24 I thought I wanted to settle down and when Robert broke up with me it made me realize that I am still young and don't need to get married and have babies right now. Of course, I eventually want to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love and have a family - but for now I think living in the city and dating are just the ticket to happiness.

About a month later I decided to go back on match.com. It was time to get back out there and meet some guys. I figured I would double my chances considering I live in a city full of good looking single people so why not go out and meet guys and scroll through profiles "winking" at each cute boy that catches my eye. So, I revamped my profile, new name, new attitude same goal.

Match.com round 2 - here we go!!

"I Can't Help, Falling In Love With You"

Needless to say I have been on some interesting dates. They have all had their ups and downs and mixed feelings throughout. However, my first date with Robert was not only the best date I have ever been on but it was one of the best days of my life and I will never ever forget it - nor would I want to.

Like I mentioned before, we only made plans for lunch and batting cages. Since we were going to be doing something active I didn't want to get totally "dolled" up. I wanted him to know I was sporty yet I could look cute doing it! I put on some tight black exercise pants - you know to show off the booty, a tank and a cute zip up. My hair was back in a ponytail but I made sure my face looked like it had a little effort put into it. It was almost 1 and I was so nervous. Because I got ready little early I was pacing around my house trying to keep myself busy while I waited.

Finally there was a knock at the door,

I know that this kind of thing is something you usually see in movies but I kid you not I opened the door and if it were a cartoon there would have been little red hearts floating around my head. The second I saw him "I knew." I knew that this was going to be something great - possibly forever. Before this, I never really believed in the whole "love at first sight" but at that exact moment - I became a believer. All my nerves seemed to just melt away and with our first face to face spoken words it felt as if we had known each other forever.

As I got in the car we basically picked up conversation that was created through our massive amounts of emails. Having built that foundation really helped ease the apprehension. About 20 minutes later we arrived at Pete's. Pete's is a very low key restaurant which, again, was a perfect setting for keeping down the nerves. In my head I expected lunch to last maybe an hour, especially since it's not a typical sit down place and things usually move quicker. However, we ended spending over 2 hours. The food had been cleared and the bill had been paid but we were just so enthralled with each other and deep into stories and laughter. Our waiter kept eyeing us and was getting pissed about us not leaving - but we didn't care. Finally, we decided it was time to hit the road and go hit some balls... baseball's.

I had never been to this sports complex so of course we got a little lost. Just a little, and it actualy made us laugh even more. When we finally found the place we went in and were very surpised. It was huge! Batting cages and two full size indoor soccer fields. We got out tokens and geared up to bat. Neither of us were great but we had a good time trying. Two rounds down and we were a little bored of it so we decided to move ourselves to soccer field which was open. There happen to be a volleyball on the field amongst the soccer balls. Since volleyball was my sport and soccer was his, we took turns showing each other a thing or two. Eventually we got kicked off the field because there was a kids game that was about to go on. This cut our date a little shorter than I think we both expected or wanted.

The good thing about how we set up this date is that IF this were to have been going bad this would have been the perfect time to use the "well I really need to get home to (insert lie here)." However this was exactly the opposite case. We both knew it was not the end of this date - in fact far from it. I mentioned to him the possibility of heading over to Walnut Creek to walk around and maybe grab a beer. He seemed to like the idea so we made our way back over to WC. The weather was great and it was still fairly early so we stopped at a pub and each got a delicious pint of Guinness. While at the pub we talked about our pasts and our families, really getting to know each other to the core. Again, time just seemed to fly but and all of the sudden it went from being 4pm to 6pm! Since neither of us had eaten since lunch, he offered up the idea to get dinner! - No, I think I'll go home now.....jk! Of course, I didn't want this day to end ever!

We walked around a bit down town and I pointed out certain things - where I used to work, good shops and other restaurants. It didn't take long before we both agreed a nice burger would really hit the spot. So, we headed over to Mel's Diner to do just that. The conversation here shifted a bit and we dove into the dreaded topic - ex's. We discussed our past relationships, who they were, what went wrong etc. It's always a touchy subject and if talked about at the wrong time and place can really throw a person off. However, when timed right it's just another way to really get to know a person for who they are and how they got to be the way they are. The older we get the more we get out of the relationships we're in. Unfortunately,that learning sometimes comes at the price of being in a terrible relationship. But looking on the bright side we then not only figure out what we do want in a partner but we figure out what we DON'T want.

By the time we were finished with dinner it was about 8pm. So let's see here, we have now been on out date for 7 hours. Believe me this is still early...

He drove me home. We parked across from my house and ended up just talking more in the car. Usually I have my phone on silent whenever I am on a date or with people worth not wanting to be distracted. Apparently I forgot to turn it on silent and it started ringing - loud. It was my mom. This would also normally be a call I would ignore. I mean who wants to talk to their mom while they are on a first date? But, I had a feeling so I answered it. While we had lost track of time she clearly hadn't and was getting concerned. In her eyes her daughter was out on a date with a stranger, left at 1 in the afternoon and it is now almost 9pm - where was I? I told her we were actually in front of the house, sitting in his car talking. "Come in!" She said. Now, for many people this would be a major dating faux pa - meet the parents on the first date? Growing up, I always had a house that friends always came to and I always brought guys I was dating home. So, I asked him if he wanted to come inside and luckily he didn't see phased by the idea.

As we entered my house my mom and dad were in the kitchen. I introduced them to Robert. I could immediately tell my Mom liked him (or at least thought he was good looking, which he was very!) Since he's a pilot, naturally my parents started talking about that and flying etc etc.. This lasted just a few minutes and they got the hint and gave us our privacy. We sat on the couch in the family room and continued our on going laughter. By now it was almost 11pm! He informed me that he really didn't want to leave but he had to fly out early the next morning. I totally understood but we both agreed we wanted to see each other again as soon as possible. He was coming home a few days later so we agreed that following Sunday would be date #2. I walked him to the door and before he walked to his car we looked into each other's eyes, both knowing exactly what the other person wanted - and we kissed. That first kiss just solidified the feelings I had 10 hours earlier when I opened the door.

I went upstairs to my room, took off my make up, put on my pajamas and got ready for bed. Before I got in I decided to text him, thanking him for the best date ever and how much I couldn't wait to see him. This is what I got back:

Rob: "Looks like I'm going to be in Walnut Creek tonight if you want to continue our marathon date?"

What??? How??? Where?? Why??? - these were the questions I should have asked but with the drop of a hat I put on a new outfit, slapped on a little make up and told my mom I was heading back out. I had to take my dad's car since my brother, who was asleep, was parked behind mine. Of course my mom told me to be careful.

On my out I decided, maybe I should figure out where he is.

Me: "Where are you?!"

Rob: "I'm at Motel 6"

What the FUCK??? - is what I should have been thinking..however I didn't care. I thought for one second - "maybe this isn't a good idea"...but then that thought was replaced with - "well if it's my time to go it's my time to go." All I knew is I wanted to see him again and was willing to risk whatever it was to make it happen.

Me: "Why are you there?"

Rob: " My car broke down...(which I did see on the side of the freeway)...I can't fly out so I have to stay in a hotel tonight"

Me: "Ok, be there in 10"

I arrived at the Motel 6 with a few knots in my stomach considering I was meeting a guy at a Motel 6 on the first date at midnight. He told me that his car had been acting up recently and was hoping throughout the date it wasn't going to break down. We both agreed it was fate that it broke down now, making it possible to see each other again. For the next 4 hours we laughed, talked, and yes, did some making out and mild groping of each other (well him on me more than me on him). I was so happy at this moment I really did not want this night to ever end. I didn't want to have to go home and I definitely didn't want him to have to leave either. But, when the clock read 5am and I still had my dad's car, I figured I better head home.

I got home around 6 am. Even if I wanted to I couldn't sleep. My heart was pounding and my mind was racing, all filled with such happiness and utter disbelief that I found this person - this amazing person who might actually be "the one." I knew my thoughts were typical - you know, the whole getting ahead of myself thing? But this was different, I actually believed it.

Around 9am I got a call from Robert asking if I wanted to meet him for coffee and breakfast. With only 3 hours actually apart from the beginning of our date I was so excited that he wanted to see me still. I rushed over the the Motel to pick him up. We had breakfast and coffee and then I took him to his car that was left on the side of the freeway. He called his uncle who lived on the Peninsula who eventually came, as well as AAA, and took him away from me. He flew out that night for work and thus beginning my 3 day wait to see him again. Nothing could have every led me to believe that at 1pm the day before I would have spent over 15 hours with a guy I met from Match.com.

Lesson #5 - Go with your instincts. Even though sometimes the situation may not seem right, if it feels right then go for it. You never know what might come from it and the last thing you want to do is miss out on what could be the beginning of something great. Never live with regrets - take chances and keep not only and open mind but an open heart.

"The Best Is Yet To Come"

Life is full of surprises. Usually the best surprises come when you are least expecting them, making them even more special than if you had the expectation. The same goes for falling in love. It can happen when you least expect – but when it does you will do everything you can to never let it go.

Luck was clearly not exactly on my side at this point when it came to men. I was meeting cute, nice guys but they just weren’t what I was looking for. What was I looking for? To be honest, I didn’t’ really know but I just figured when it came my way then I would. My match.com-ing was proving to be somewhat unsuccessful. I wasn’t ready to give up but I started to doubt any possibility of finding someone I could actually go on more than one date with – (not including my drunken stupor of a second date with Mike). While doing some casual perusing of the men on Match I came a across a picture that stood out as if there were a light shining down on it. When I clicked on the profile to see the rest of his pictures I was actually in awe of how good looking I found him. Who is this guy?? As I started reading through his profile I learned that he was from the East Coast, was very intellectual and was a pilot – hot! I didn’t even know pilots came that scrumptious. When I think of a pilot I think of old man, possibly has a giant belly and definitely has a mustache. Never would I think blonde hair, light eyes, and a smile that can make anyone melt like butter. Of course I decided to wink at him…never really thinking I would get a response. In my eyes this guy was way out of my league.

Over the next couple days I felt like a total creep master as I constantly looked at his pictures. I couldn’t get him out of my mind but, like I said, this guy was so out of my league I better just move on.

But then I got a wink back!!!

I couldn’t believe it! Right away I started drafting an email to him. With each word I typed my smile just grew and grew. Over the next few weeks we wrote not just emails, but full on essays to each other. We would write to each other at least once a day and sometimes more, asking and answering questions about our families, our dreams and ourselves. He wrote with such poise and I felt like I actually knew him beyond just through the screen of my computer. Everyday I looked forward opening my inbox and seeing a new message from “AArrDee” (I’ll explain that name later).

After a couple weeks of being pen pals it was time to take it to the next level – which is meeting each other in match.com world. When you have this type of “relationship” of writing back an forth for a length of time the act of meeting is almost more nerve wracking then if you emailed once and decided to meet. There is more pressure considering we had already built this foundation layer and each of us has our own set of expectations. What if he doesn’t meet my expectation? What if I don’t meet his? Then was all of that emotion and energy put out there for what seems like nothing?

I took a trip up to Chico, CA for a weekend to go visit some of my best friends who went to school there. I had a big weekend ahead of me – 90’s themed party, 80’s themed party, a milestone celebration at a local bar and catching some baseball games. Before I left I had emailed AarrDee telling him about all my festivities and how much fun it was all going to be ( which for those who were in Chico during my visit know EXACTLY how much fun I had…a story I will share later and will be a MAJOR earmuffs for children!!). If you have never partied in Chico then you won’t understand but since I was only there for a few days I was definitely going to make the most it. I was so wrapped up in everything going on around me that I had forgot to email AarrDee back. So when I got home and checked my email this is what I saw:

“Hey, was it something I said? Just kidding, I understand how this whole thing can go I and wish you the best of luck.”

Robert

OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT!!!!!!!!! Am I about to lose something before I ever really got a chance to hold on to it?? Hell no!

Immediately I emailed back how sorry I was that I got side tracked in Chico and how much I still really wanted to meet him…plus a few more sorry’s were thrown in as well.

Luckily he was really cool about it all and still really wanted to meet me. I gave him my phone number and that night he called me! While waiting for his call I was so nervous about what his voice would sound like and whether or not our conversation would feel awkward. The second I answered the phone all my worries went away. We began talking as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Our first conversation lasted about 45 minutes and ended with us decided to meet that weekend.

Neither of us really wanted to do the whole dinner thing. We wanted something a little more active and fun with as least amount of potential stress. After a few minutes of brainstorming we came up with our date. He was still fairly new to California, lived in Berkeley and had never really explored the East Bay. So, I invited him to come over my way and I would take him into downtown Danville for lunch. Because he knew how much I liked sports, especially baseball, he thought it would be fun to find some batting cages and hit a few balls where I could show him a thing or two. This sounded so fun to me and I found a sports complex not too far away. This was definitely not a conventional date (which is pretty much a preface to the next six months of my life) but I had never looked forward to something more.

First date itinerary

• He would pick me up at 1pm
• Lunch in Danville at Pete’s Brass Rail
• Batting Cages

Since our first date allotted for about 4 hours or so I wasn’t ready or expecting what was about to come my way but it was one of the best days of my life!!!

"Highway to the Danger Zone"

This entry is dedicated to my good friend Courtney – as it is her favorite.

A few weeks had past since my wonderful encounters with Mike. For those who have yet to experience the online dating scene there is somewhat of a protocol – at least that is what I am learning. While it’s called “Match”.com it usually takes more searching on your part to find the people you are attracted to. People often say “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” but when pictures and some words are all you really have to go by it seems like that is really the only thing you can do. Once you have landed on a profile of someone you find attractive there are two options. Some people go straight for the email while others send a “wink” (think of it like a poke on Facebook). All that really does is allow the recipient of the wink to know you think they are attractive. Maybe you will get a wink back or maybe an email – or sometimes no response whatsoever. I am a fan of winking. I’ll wink at all kinds of people and see what happens. Because I don’t take it too serious or to heart if I don’t get a response I know my life will go on.

While doing a daily (yes daily…unemployed at the time + boredom = match.com feign) search of men on the Match, I came across a profile that stuck out. Not only was he extremely cute (to give you a visual think of a not so pansy Kris Allen from American Idol) but also we seemed to have a good amount in common. So naturally, I winked! Soon after I got a wink back and basically the green light to email. I sent him an email just saying “hi” and that I thought he was cute blah blah blah. Over the next week or two we shared emails and it seemed promising. He had asked for my number and told me he’d really like to talk on the phone sometime and asked if I would be up for that – whoa! No texting..straight into phone convo…am I ready for that?

One thing that only a few people know about me is I have an extremely sensitive ear for voices. Some may call it weird but I will literally will not date someone if I don’t like their voice so I get a little apprehensive to when it comes to talking toguys on the phone for the first time. There is a fine line of what is acceptable to me – I know this may sound weird. I’m sure most women will agree with me when I say a man with a voice that is higher pitched than normal is pretty unattractive. So although I was hesitant about the phone call, I agreed.

A little background on this guy:

His name is, actually I am not going to give his real name..you'll figure out why later - but he is training to be a Fire Fighter, so we'll call him Fire Guy. Is it just me or do you hear the words Fire Fighter and automatically see no shirt, buff tanned bud, holding the hose (not his hose but the fire hose) on the front of a calendar? – love that image!

Anyway – he calls me one night. I answer the phone and was greeted by a slightly higher pitched voice than I tend to like…Minus 2 points. However, the conversation between was going well. There weren’t too many of those awkward silences. Those are the WORST – especially when they are face to face…ugh I get chills thinking about that stuff. We chatted for almost an hour when we decided to both go to bed. This went on for a couple days when he finally decided to ask me out. I accepted and he said he would plan the whole thing. That Saturday we met at a restaurant in Walnut Creek called Maria Maria. As I walked up to the restaurant he greeted me with a beautiful single Orchid flower. …Plus the two points I took back earlier. However, minus a point because he was wearing glasses. Not that I have anything against glasses, but he didn’t have them on in any of his profile pictures so why wear them on your first date? He was also a little skinnier than I had hoped. But he was dressed very well and I was nervous but excited about this date.

We headed into the restaurant and the waitress took us to our table – a table that he had personally requested which was right next to the live music but in a spot where it wasn’t too loud. Impressive! At this point I am wondering if this is something he has done before…but whatever I’m falling for it! The food was absolutely amazing and the company was great too. Now, it’s about that time – check time. What kind of guy is this? Will he pay? Will we fucking split it?.....

Test #1 – Passed…like a good gentlemen he paid.

As we were getting ready to leave he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, which I did, so he took me to a Billiards Hall. We played a couple rounds of pool, had a couple of beers and played some games that were in the back. As we were playing the one of those basketball shooting games he took my by his side and planted a kiss right on my lips. Although a little surprised, I rolled with I and kissed him back. It felt right and it felt nice. So as were pretty much making out in this little room, a knock on the window interrupts the moment and we are told to leave. Apparently making out is not one of the games – who knew!? After that buzz kill we decided to get out of there and press on.

It’s now about 10pm and we decide to stop for dessert at Mel’s Diner and split a delicious milkshake. Yup, two straws and everything – basically a scene straight out of Happy Days between Joanie and Chachie. This was most definitely the best date I had ever been on and it seemed like the night was going just perfect. After our dessert we strolled around downtown making little pit stops to make out underneath the lights of the trees. It was very romantic. I felt like I was in a movie. Since my car was just around the corner we hopped in and I drove him to his car that was parked in a parking garage just a couple streets up. (This is also another little “test” I have.) I am always interested in what kind of car someone drives. It doesn’t have to be an expensive car but I feel like your car says a lot about you. He drove a Ford Explore – not bad, minus the gold-ish paint job. We said our goodbyes and kissed each other good night.

All the way home I was smiling – thinking to myself what great night that was. It was a different set of feelings I had then I did about Mike. There wasn’t the same kind of “fireworks” but I genuinely had a good time and would go out again with this guy if he asked.

When I got home, right before I got into bed, I decided to send him a text.

Me: “Just wanted to say thanks again for a really great night”

Fire Guy: “ Can I call you? “

Me: “Right now, sure. Is everything ok?

Fire Guy: “ There is just something on my mind I want to talk to you about”

PAUSE!!

Um….this is our FIRST DATE!! What the hell could he possibly be thinking about that he needs to call me right away? I was nervous for what was coming my way but nothing; I repeat NOTHING could have prepared me for what he said. As the phone rang I could feel my stomach turn a bit. What was going on right now??? I hesitantly answered the phone. After a few seconds of small talk he got right into it, via the following;

Fire Guy: “ So there is just something that I feel you should know about me before things go any further between us”

My thoughts (gay? Depressed? Porn star? ……no clue)

Me: “ ok what’s up?”

Fire Guy: “ Well I am a recovering Heroin addict.”

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!!!!!! A WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A WHAT???!!!!

Like I said, nothing could have prepared me for this! How do you respond to something like that? Never would I have guessed he used to be a drug addict. He was so clean cut and put together and, while I don’t know many drug addicts, the one’s I see on TV DON’T LOOK LIKE THIS! So there I am left basically speechless on the other end of the phone. It took about 5 seconds for me to gather some kind of answer back.

Me: “ okaaaayyyy. Well how long have you been sober?”

Fire Guy : “ Almost a year.” (Almost??? I was thinking like 2 years at least. Plus I am pretty sure when you are a recovering anything you are not supposed to date for at least a year)

Me: “ Wow, ok well ….I really want to thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share that with me but to be honest I just don’t think that is something I can handle right now.”

And that was basically the extent of our last phone conversation ever. To go back to that night, when I got home from my date I went in to my parent room – per usual, to let them know I got home safe and to tell them the date was amazing. So, naturally my parents were really excited to hear about the date. How do I tell them that it was great but, oh yea he did Heroin!? I didn’t have it in me to tell them yet and they just couldn’t’ understand why I wasn’t’ being more enthusiastic when I was so excited about it the night before. Finally, a few days later I told my mom what had happened and she obviously understood and felt bad for making me feel bad for not talking to him.

Match Date #3 – Thanks but No Thanks!

Lesson #4 – This is why we don’t judge books by their covers. Even when that’s all you can do at first you never really know what you are going to get until you open up the book and start reading. Sometimes you have to close the book after reading the first page when you realize this just isn’t the book for you!

Part Deux - "It's All Wrong, but It's All Right"

All good things come to an end some how, some way. Sometimes they start right back up again but other times they are finished - for good! While one may have a picture in their (my) head, the reality of that picture is often quite different.

Like I mentioned earlier, when I came home from my date with Mike I was so smitten it was like I was a 12 year old girl at an N'SYNC concert (or Justin Bieber for today's youth). The morning after our date I woke up with a hanger in my mouth, smiling from ear to ear. Immediately we began texting away throughout the day and that picture I was talking about was getting clearer by the second. I was really seeing potential in this guy and just couldn't help but call my friends and tell them about my date and new guy.

Side note -- again getting way ahead of myself in my head...it's a sickness I swear!

Anyway- so he invited me the next day to a baseball game that he would be coaching and then afterwards we could grab dinner. Awesome! I obviously accepted and couldn't wait for this day to be over so I could see him the next day.

Finally, date number 2 had arrived. As I am getting ready I can't figure out what to wear. It's a baseball game so I don't want to look too "overdone" but there will also be a real date after so I don't want to look too "daytime." - such a complex! I decide to go with jeans, boots, and a cute plaid Abercrombie vest with a cute fur hood. Since I have dated my share of baseball boys (yes, BOYS, not men!), going to games alone is nothing new to me. I make my way through the crowd and park myself right behind home plate. Thank god for sunglasses because I can't stop staring at Mike, but I don't want to look like a total creeper so I keep my phone in my hands and pretend that I'm looking at it. What would we do without gadgets like these? As the game goes on I end up making friends with a couple of guys who were rooting for the opposing team.

New Friend: " so which one is your boyfriend?"

(Awkward!)

Me: " The first base coach" (Liar)

While a somewhat awkward question, it's not like he knew I was lying and it's not like Mike could hear me call him my boyfriend. However in the context of this - I sound like a crazy person. But I assure you I am not! It was just a lot easier than saying "actually I met the first base coach on Match.com and tonight will be our second date."..no thanks - so for a couple of hours he was my boyfriend. My new friends and I were having a good time shit talking back and forth to each other and eventually their team won so all my shit talking went down the drain, oh well. Since I knew that he might not be in the best mood after a loss I was hoping it wouldn't affect our date.

Going to baseball games when you have plans with a player/coach is great except when it is a home game and they have to clean the field and have a team meeting. So that means I get to sit around and wait for them to be done, great! Once again, my handy dandy iphone comes to the rescue. About an hour or so later he is finally ready and it's time for our date. He takes me to this really nice Italian restaurant (which he had been to before and forgot exactly how nice it really was..we were not dressed totally appropriate but ate there anyway). Mike was not inthe best of moods and wine was much needed. The dinner was great, conversation flowed nicely and 2 bottles of wine EACH later we were feeling pretty good - and he definitely forgot about the loss. The check came and it was pretty expensive so being the nice (or stupid?) girl that I am I offered to help pay...Test #1: I offer to pay in order to seen nice, and I genuinely mean it BUT I do expect the "man" to decline my offer and pay.

Test #1 - FAIL

After we SPLIT the check (around $120) he asked if I wanted to see a movie. Sure why not! Then he asked if we sould continue the "party" and grab some more alcohol before the movie started. Sure - I was buzzin' so why the fuck not, what could come of it..hahaha. We headed over to Safeway and grabbed 1/5 of Bacardi and Diet Coke, sat in the car and proceeded to get hammered. Real classy for a second date right!? We brought the rest into the theater with us and began to watch the movie - oh did I mention the movie was "He's Just Not That Into You" -hmm. As we continued drinking in the theater we both ended up passing out in our seats for a bit. When we came to, each of us professed to each other certain things we wanted to go on after the movie - if you know what I mean.

Sidenote #2 - Remember how I said he literally just moved from Boston?..well when I mean literally, I mean he doesn't have an apartment and lives in the men's locker room office. There is a mattress and desk - that's it. (Mattress - not bet!). Where did I stay that night? IN THE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM! What time did I have to leave because they had practice before their game? 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! How did I get back to my car? WALKING OUT OF THE MEN'S LOCKER ROOM- WHILE SEEING PLAYERS COMING IN!!

BIGGEST. WALK-OF-SHAME. EVER.

I made it to my car and drove home. When I got home I went through the back door ( oh yeah, I lived with my parent's at the time) and as soon as I opened the door my Dad was standing there feeding the dog. Hmm...daughter coming home at 6 am, wearing the same clothes as the day before, hair a disheveled mess, make-up smeared - YA- he knew what went on. Luckily he laughed and I headed upstairs to get some sleep, since I didn't get much that night. Needless to say the impression I made on him (and his on me) was not exactly ideal for creating a future. I think we both were a little taken a back and while we talked for a couple days after, we don't talk anymore.

No third date there - but we must press on!!

Lesson #3 - Simple - STAY SOBER on at least your first three dates. Go ahead and drink but it's not attractive to get sloppy and make bad (even though fun) decisions. You will thank me and yourself later!

"Take A Bow"

Okay, so my first date wasn’t the knock your socks off, let’s get married tomorrow type date but like I mentioned it got me back in the “dating scene.”

Ever since I started to like boys I found myself always being drawn to athletes. I don’t think I have ever not dated an athlete. Maybe it’s because I was always one too and they always knew what I was going through. Beyond just athletes, I have always had a soft spot for baseball boys.. aka (usually) male whores who think they are hot shit. Yup – real winners I know. This next guy was no exception

Stats

Name - Mike

Looks – hot (light brown hair , green eyes, tan skin…mmm J )

Hometown – Boston (yummy)

Work – College Baseball Coach

Mike was fresh off the boat, ok plane, from Boston and besides his baseball coaches and team, he didn’t know anyone. Like a lot of people who are on Match, he joined to meet people in the area. Little did he know he would come across me! We started emailing. On paper he just kept getting more perfect with every word I read. After a couple weeks and pages and pages of emails later we exchanged phone numbers and started texting. He was a big texter – which I have since learned is a HUGE flag that a guy is not a good communicator – oh ya and that’s a RED flag by the way! Anyway, we had so much in common. Like me, he comes from a big family and is super close with them – major plus points in my book! Finally we agreed that it was time to meet up!! I was so excited. I had such a good feeling about this one.

For those who know me well know I have a tendency to get a little carried away in my head. When I see potential in a guy I really run with it. Wedding bells start going off in my head. I composite our faces in my mind to believe I can see what our kids would look like – ya, I’m one of those girls! (I’m working on that).

Since I was a little more familiar with the area I told him I would pick the place we would meet. All be it a bit corny I chose a baseball themed restaurant/bar called McCovey’s in Walnut Creek. We chose to just get drinks at the bar – which is safer than the full-blown dinner date. It’s always nice to know that just in case it’s not what you hope for you can down your drink and get the hell out of there!

So I got there first (which is what I wanted since I didn’t want to be the one walking in and awkwardly looking around the restaurant for someone I may or may not really know what they look like!). I take a seat at the bar pretending to look super into my phone so I don’t look like a total loser by myself, meanwhile, he let’s me know he’s parking. Cool, I only have to look like a loser for a couple more minutes. I decide to order myself a nice cold Blue Moon and think, what the hell I’ll order him one too. The bartender took my order and informed me that he will have to just show his ID when he gets there…easy enough. As I am casually looking around waiting for Mike, I see a guy who is staring at me and starting to walk towards me. Now, when you meet someone from Match.com there is always the possibility that their pictures might be old, or not accurate and this seemed like that kind of a case. This guy was NOT cute and I was really starting to have a mini panic attack in my head of “oh shit not again!!...another one who isn’t cute? COME ON!!” But being the nice person I am as he comes up to me I get off my stool and greet him with hug

Me: (while hugging him) “Hi, how are you?!”

Mike –“Good”

Me – “So I bought you a beer you just have to show your ID!”

Mike – “ I’m really sorry, but I don’t know who you are”

OMG WRONG FUCKING GUY!!! …..that’s right, I just HUGGED a total stranger thinking it was my match.com date.

Me: “ omg, I am so sorry I thought you were someone else who I am meeting here for the first time!”

Not Mike : “That’s ok. Well if he doesn’t show up I’ll be sitting right over there”

Yes, that really just happened! I am so embarrassed but really fucking relieved this isn’t my date. Now I am praying to God that the REAL Mike is much better looking. Two minutes later I turn around and see him….HOT!! Thank the Lord. We sat that the bar drinking and talking.

Conversation Flow – check

Receptive Body Language – check

Casual touching of the arm and leg (my signature moves when I’m into a guy) – check

Things were going great. By now it’s almost 11 and the restaurant is closing soon. Since we were enjoying each other so much we decided to take our night to another bar. We headed out and landed at a bar called 1515. About three rum and cokes later I am sharing with him my earlier night’s embarrassing moment. We continue to laugh and drink until 2 am when we get kicked out due to last call. Hand in hand he walks me to my car. I decided to give him a ride to his car down the street. As I am double parked, getting ready to say goodnight, he leans in and we start making out. Not more than 2 minutes later a cop pulls up next to us and directs me to get on my way and stop holding up traffic…whoops. Good thing he didn’t ask me to walk a straight line or blow into the breathalyzer because I just may have not passed…I know – stupid move…but believe me it’s not as stupid as what happens on our next date….but that is gonna come a little later so you are just going to have to wait! But yes, there was a second date – something that I have found to be very rare when it comes to match.com dates.

I went home that night so giddy I ran into my parents bedroom to let them know I think I found “the one.” Told you, I get a little ahead of myself!

Lesson #2 : When it comes to any kind of blind or semi-blind date, ALWAYS make sure you address the person before you just ASSUME it’s them. While it may seem a little business like to get up and address them by name with question, it will save you from a potential and incredibly embarrassing moment – however it leads you with a funny story to tell…but seriously – learn from my mistakes!

Successfully Unsuccessful

Let's take a minute to dive into why it is I decided to join a dating website. When I used to hear that couple's met online it always seemed a bit sad and pathetic really. Never would I have guessed I would be part of that "sad and pathetic" group. However, online dating is not as taboo as it once was and, in fact, it is actually quite popular.

When I moved home from college I was not only newly single (3 years out of the "dating" game) but also in a new town since my parents moved away from where I grew up. I kept seeing those ridiculously corny commercials for match.com and figured what the hell - let's at least look at what kind of guys are on here. I'm not sure what I thought I would find (maybe some old creeper men that just wanted ass from young women?) but was actually impressed with the talent of the East Bay where I had put in my search.

February 10, 2009 - I am going to throw out dates that I remember..and yes, they will have significance!

So I was sitting at Starbucks getting ready to fill out my Match profile. To be honest I kept looking over my shoulders at people around me to see if they were looking at my computer screen that, in large print said Match.com - or what seemed more like "DESPERATE.COM" Since I didn't personally know of anyone my age on a dating site I was a little embarrassed and hesitant to do so. But there I was, almost completely finished.

Profile name - Sportychic5 (cute?lame? whatever)

Looking for - Men ages 23-28

While I was waiting for my pictures to get uploaded I got an IM - I didn't even realize this was a feature of Match, but I rolled with it and took a look at the guy's profile. Cute. Seemed interesting so what the fuck, let's talk. We started chatting. Based on my oh-so-clever profile name he kicked off the convo asking me what my favorite sports teams were. So, for about five minutes we bullshitted about sports - which is fine because, after all, I am a SPORTY CHIC. Two hours later we decided to exchange phone numbers. WOW - less then 5 hours spent on this site and I already got some digits?? $34.99 well spent!! Over the next couple days we chatted through text...not ready for phone convo's. Since we seemed to hit it off through our writing capabilities we agreed to give it shot in real life.

Name - Paul

Occupation- Journalist

Date - Meet for Drinks at local Pub to watch a Basketball game.....ON VALENTINES DAY!!!!

Yes that's right - I had a blind, well not blind really but, first date with a stranger on Valentine's Day. No pressure right?! We decided to meet there (always the safer option). As I walked up to the pub I saw him standing there.

First thought - cuter in pictures & way too short!

He said he was 5'8". Bullshit. I'm barely 5'3" and he was only a couple inches taller - minus 5 points. While we yucked it up over a couple beers I just kept thinking - "man, I am wasting all these beer calories for THIS guy??" He was nice, yes, but I didn't JUST want nice..i wanted hot. I wanted fireworks. What can I say...I'm a dreamer!

We finished watching the basketball game and parted ways. I wasn't the best at communicating certain types of feelings. I do better with the "just ignore it and it will go away approach." So when he kept calling and texting,I did just that; Immature? - yes. Mean? - maybe a little. Finally my mom convinced me to be honest with him. So eventually, through text of course, I told him that he's a really nice guy but I just didn't have that "spark." He said he didn't really feel it either - but who wouldn't say that when someone tells them that first? Sure you didn't feel anything! (then why did you call again?)

First Match date - Successfully Unsuccessful. I say this because while the chemistry wasn't there between us, I broke the dating seal. I officially was back in the game and it felt great. Bring on the men!!!! Match.com - I think we are going to be good friends!

Lesson #1 - When dating it is important to be honest. People are not mind readers and while you make think they should "just know" you weren't into them, that's not always the case. While it may hurt their feelings or their pride it is better to just let them know that there will be no second date. They will appreciate the honesty and in turn will hopefully be honest as well if in the same situation down the road.

Diary of a Single Gal

Hello and welcome to my blog!

I am starting this blog, not because I think I am so interesting that everyone should read about my life but I can tell you that when it comes to me, men, and dating - I am pretty interesting. After joining the dating site Match.com, over the last year and half I have landed myself on some of the best and worst dates of my life. I have made friends, fallen in love and gotten pieces of my heart broken, but through all of it I continue to put my heart out there in search of that special someone.

You are entering into my heart and my mind. I want to share not only my stories with you but pieces of wisdom, some advice, and my own personal revelations along the way. ***Disclaimer... This is a "diary-esc" type blog so I feel the need to inform my readers that you are going to read exactly what was in my head and what went on in my life. Foul language and sexual content will be used so please - mature audiences only. ***

This is the story of a girl in her twenties, not sure if she’s looking for fun, love, or a little bit of both but always finds her self in interesting situations. Will she find her match? - I don't know let's find out shall we!!