With each new person that I date, (and by date that could mean one date or many), I learn something about myself. I find things in each guy that I really like or really don't like. For a long time my ideal match was in this juvenile bubble I created in high school. Up until Robert, my dating history consisted of only athletes- mainly baseball players. No offense to those who play baseball but honestly, 99% of you are exactly the same. I can pick out a baseball player from miles away...it's almost like a hidden talent. Anyway, my last relationship opened me up to a whole new breed of guys...called men. For so long I just dated these cocky boys. Now it's time to focus on finding a man.
When dating, there are things about the person that you're going to like and things you're going to put up with because the things you like out weigh the negatives. On a first date, there are only so many things you can learn about a person. However when it comes to those "deal-breakers", what better time to sniff them out like a first date. Everyone has different standards when it comes to men and dating. What is extremely important to one person may not be a factor at all for another.
A few weeks after my date with Owen I met another guy from Match. We started emailing for about a week and then moved on to texting after exchanging phone numbers. Our personalities really seemed to click. So much in fact that we even became facebook friends. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but if you think about it I am allowing him to take a deeper look into my life - and vise versa. He was a recent graduate of Chico state and by the looks of his pictures he was clearly fit for the part. Needless to say, this guy liked to party. After talking for a couple weeks we decided to get dinner one night. We came up with a plan - he'd pick me up, sushi for dinner then go get ice cream for dessert - sounds pretty standard. Originally we agreed on 7 pm but he was running late and it got pushed back about an hour. Strike 1 - I hate late people...I am always (ok 99% of the time) on time and find tardiness a testament to character.
So around 8, he finally gets to my place. Getting picked up is always a little tricky because the time in a car can really set up how the rest of the date probably will go. If things are awkward and silent in the car, odds are they are going to continue to be awkward the rest of the night. Luckily, this was not the case. It took us a while to find parking but eventually did and made our way down Filmore street to a little Japanese restaurant.
Side note - Choosing where to eat dinner can be tricky. There are some things that even though you love, might not be good "first date" food. For example - anything super peppery (gets in your teeth), super garlic-y (bad breath) or super spicy (might make you sweat). I find that sushi has the potential to be on this list. Not all sushi but if you are going to eat roll's- think twice. Most sushi rolls are meant to be eaten in one clean motion - however that usually leaves your mouth totally full and probably making a mess along the way. Or you make an even bigger mess if you try to bite it in half. It's not attractive ladies - so maybe think of somewhere else to go.
We ordered our food and decided to share a bunch of different rolls. Everything was delicious and the date seemed to be going well. After about an hour or so we were finished and ready to move on. The woman came with the bill and this is where it all went down hill.
THE BILL - one of the most awkward parts of any first date. As a female, this is where things get tricky. In our minds we are not expecting to pay however we don't want to ASSUME he's going to pay. For anyone who watches the show "How I Met Your Mother" there is an episode that shows this perfectly. One of the characters, Ted, call it the "check dance". The check dance is where the bill comes and the woman reaches for her purse/wallet as if she is going to help pay but the guy, ever so manly insists on paying for the bill. So while the woman shows she is not snobby by at least reaching for her wallet, it also allows the guy to feel powerful tell her "he's got this one."
THIS GUY DIDN'T DO THAT!!! I always do the check dance and up until this night the guy always insists on paying. Nope, not this night. I casually said "do you want me to pay anything?" Expecting him to say "No, I got this" ( or something to that effect), he instead threw a curve ball at me with "Sure, if you want to." Well shit...what do you say that? I have already offered so I can't retract that but I was legitimately dumbfounded. And quite frankly totally turned off. So, we split the bill and he has the balls to say "don't worry I got the ice cream" - oh really?? WOW thanks for splurging on my $2 ice cream - you're my night in shining armor! Oh then it gets better!! When we got to the ice cream parlor we realized, after ordering, that it was a cash only. The girl had already scooped our ice cream but told us about an ATM just across the street so he went to get money while I stayed behind. The fucking cheapskate has the audacity to text me to leave since we already had our ice cream - he asked me to steal 2 dollar ice cream...REALLY??!! So unattractive. I pretended like I didn't get the text so he had to come back and pay. What a real douche bag this guy is turning out to be. I couldn't wait for the date to be over. He drove me home after ice cream and I could tell he wanted me to lean in for the kiss but instead I got out of that car faster than a Kenyan can run a marathon. We did not speak after that.
It blows my mind to think about the quality of some guys out there. I know that there are some really great ones but there are some really shitty ones too. It's almost like manners don't matter anymore, chivalry is certainly dying and some people's morals are definitely questionable. Recently I have noticed that California boys in-particular are so laid back that it's like they were never taught how to respectfully treat a woman. Of course I don't want to lump all Califonria guy's in this catagory but through my research I am finding more and more that men from out of state have a better sense of manners and chivalry - opening doors, pulling out chairs, PAYING FOR FIRST DATES! etc...
Lesson #7 - To any and all men our there, please learn or refine your manners. It's really not that hard and believe me it goes a long way. While some women say that stuff doesn't matter ( I used to be one of them ) once you've had someone who does do all of that stuff you find it pretty endearing and actually important. And to all the ladies out there... make sure you make a least some form of gesture to pay for something. Hopefully you are with a man who is respectful enough to not make you pay. Sometimes what I do is if we go to get drinks after dinner I'll insist on at least paying for drinks (or at least the first one). The day I have kids, if any of them are boys I will make sure they know how to treat a women right - we're worth it!
