"Another One Bite's The Dust"

I think it's fair to say that after my last date with Mr. Cheapskate my take on Match.com dating was starting to decline. And to be honest - the next couple of dates helped dig that ditch a little deeper. In fact, they are almost not worth mentioning considering how dull and lame both were. What was going on? Match - you are starting to fail me!

I am going to make these short and sweet - because frankly if I didn't you would probably fall asleep just as I could have...and I was actually on the dates!

Dud #1 -

I definitely fell victim to the fact that Dud #1 looked much better in his pictures (his two pictures) then he did in person. In his pictures he looked like your typical California guy - tall, blonde, good build, tan skin..etc.

Rewind for a split second - I really hate when people only post one or two pictures of themselves on their profile. I base my initial judgments on pictures more than I do on content. Even if I love what you have to say and it seems like we're a match made in heaven..if I don't like how you look in your pictures, why would I want to talk to you - shallow; yes I know...deal with it! While we're on the subject - posting grainy photos, photos with other girls or photos of random crap that no one care's about aren't going to get girls dying to go out with you.

Anyways - back to the Dud. So we talked for a little bit and then he decided that we should just "cut the small talk" and meet. Obviously I am up for anything (even if that means losing a couple hours out of my valuable life that I will never get back). He lived over the Richmond district, which I was not at all familiar with so I also figured it would be a good chance to see a new area of the city. We met at little bar he knew of. Of course I arrived first. All that kept going through my head was - "DON'T ASSUME ANYONE IS HIM UNTIL HE SPEAKS FIRST"..based on my previous track record of mistaking strangers for my dates I waited until he utterd "Jackie?" As I turned around I was hoping that my look of disappointment was being kept inside and not bluntly streaming across my face - that just wouldn't be nice. He was much skinnier in person and his teeth...oh god his teeth - not cute. No wonder why he was not smiling in his pictures. Unfortunately for me, I am not so mean that I would make up an excuse to hurry myself away from the situation. We went inside and grabbed a table and ordered some much needed beers. After I downed the first one - (partly to try and gain some beer goggles to better look at this guy with, but also hoping it would numb the dullness radiating out of him.) Then, once again, to be nice I offered to pay for the second round (more than slightly expecting him to shew my money away from him and pay) and he says "sure." UGH - what is with the men these days?! Is it so hard to ask for some chivalry? I'm all for paying for stuff..don't get me wrong - but on the first date...when he asks?

There were a couple things about him that even if I was attracted to him physically, his personality just killed any shot in hell he would have had with me. Not only did he come across as close minded but just all together stupid...there's really no better word to describe. In fact - I am over even talking about him...bottom line - the date sucked!

Dud #2

Why I even thought this next date was going to go well is still a mystery. Even from the very beginning I kept saying to myself "he's cute but he seems like he's a nerd." But at the same time some nerds are cute and they aren't too nerdy so I figured I'd give him a chance. Plus he went to a good school, Cal Poly, seemed like he had a good job, family..blah blah blah. When we decided to meet for our first date we agreed to go to one of my favorite spots in the Marina, The Grove. The Grove is perfect because it's the type of place where if things are going well you can stay and chat for a while or if they aren't, the food comes quick and you can high tail your ass out!

We were meeting around 8 and as I was walking down from my apartment I started thinking about my outfit. I really didn't like the jeans I was wearing. They used to be a favorite of mine but were starting to just not fit as well anymore. One thing I absolutely can't stand is being uncomfortable because it becomes all I can think about. You could be talking but I won't hear a damn word if I am feeling uncomfortable in my clothes. So, as I am walking I notice that I am a little early so I decide to step into The GAP to browse. I end up finding a pair of jeans...which were super comfy but way too long. But I really didn't care as they were better than what I was wearing. Since I didn't want him to know I was shopping before our date I took my old pair of jeans and stuffed them in my purse.

When I got to The Grove he was sitting on a bench right outside - looking slightly gooberish. I vaugely saw him through a bush and recognized him so we met eyes and realized who each other were. When he said hi to me I really didn't even hear the words that came out of his mouth as I was distracted by his entirely too high pitched of a voice! - TERRIBLE!!! Have I mentioned that voices are a huge deal to me...or shall I say, dealBREAKER!?- BROKE! At least this guy paid for my dinner. As we were chatting, we started talking about Cal Poly. Since a lot of my good friends went there I asked if maybe he knew them, or was in a frat? played sports? something...nope. Boring. The guy didn't really party, probably had 2 friends and looked at everyone in sports and frats as ass holes. Clearly, this was not going anywhere..all I could think about during dinner was not only how bored I was but how I just spent $80 dollars on pair of jeans. Luckily I like them and wear them but still. Better luck next time I guess!....

On to the next

Bittersweet Symphony

Recently I had a conversation with one of my friends mom's about how there are some people who are so afraid of getting hurt they never take chances. Having an emotional wall up in the beginning of any relationship is understandable but at the same time it is important to not shut every new person out completely. Taking the chance to meet new people (whether that's online, in a bar, in a coffee shop or at the grocery store) is the only way you will ever find that special someone. Maybe that means making the first move..and yes, there is a possibility that you will be rejected. For as many people as I have dated, I'll admit I have been rejected by probably more.

With each new person that I date, (and by date that could mean one date or many), I learn something about myself. I find things in each guy that I really like or really don't like. For a long time my ideal match was in this juvenile bubble I created in high school. Up until Robert, my dating history consisted of only athletes- mainly baseball players. No offense to those who play baseball but honestly, 99% of you are exactly the same. I can pick out a baseball player from miles away...it's almost like a hidden talent. Anyway, my last relationship opened me up to a whole new breed of guys...called men. For so long I just dated these cocky boys. Now it's time to focus on finding a man.

When dating, there are things about the person that you're going to like and things you're going to put up with because the things you like out weigh the negatives. On a first date, there are only so many things you can learn about a person. However when it comes to those "deal-breakers", what better time to sniff them out like a first date. Everyone has different standards when it comes to men and dating. What is extremely important to one person may not be a factor at all for another.

A few weeks after my date with Owen I met another guy from Match. We started emailing for about a week and then moved on to texting after exchanging phone numbers. Our personalities really seemed to click. So much in fact that we even became facebook friends. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but if you think about it I am allowing him to take a deeper look into my life - and vise versa. He was a recent graduate of Chico state and by the looks of his pictures he was clearly fit for the part. Needless to say, this guy liked to party. After talking for a couple weeks we decided to get dinner one night. We came up with a plan - he'd pick me up, sushi for dinner then go get ice cream for dessert - sounds pretty standard. Originally we agreed on 7 pm but he was running late and it got pushed back about an hour. Strike 1 - I hate late people...I am always (ok 99% of the time) on time and find tardiness a testament to character.

So around 8, he finally gets to my place. Getting picked up is always a little tricky because the time in a car can really set up how the rest of the date probably will go. If things are awkward and silent in the car, odds are they are going to continue to be awkward the rest of the night. Luckily, this was not the case. It took us a while to find parking but eventually did and made our way down Filmore street to a little Japanese restaurant.

Side note - Choosing where to eat dinner can be tricky. There are some things that even though you love, might not be good "first date" food. For example - anything super peppery (gets in your teeth), super garlic-y (bad breath) or super spicy (might make you sweat). I find that sushi has the potential to be on this list. Not all sushi but if you are going to eat roll's- think twice. Most sushi rolls are meant to be eaten in one clean motion - however that usually leaves your mouth totally full and probably making a mess along the way. Or you make an even bigger mess if you try to bite it in half. It's not attractive ladies - so maybe think of somewhere else to go.

We ordered our food and decided to share a bunch of different rolls. Everything was delicious and the date seemed to be going well. After about an hour or so we were finished and ready to move on. The woman came with the bill and this is where it all went down hill.

THE BILL - one of the most awkward parts of any first date. As a female, this is where things get tricky. In our minds we are not expecting to pay however we don't want to ASSUME he's going to pay. For anyone who watches the show "How I Met Your Mother" there is an episode that shows this perfectly. One of the characters, Ted, call it the "check dance". The check dance is where the bill comes and the woman reaches for her purse/wallet as if she is going to help pay but the guy, ever so manly insists on paying for the bill. So while the woman shows she is not snobby by at least reaching for her wallet, it also allows the guy to feel powerful tell her "he's got this one."

THIS GUY DIDN'T DO THAT!!! I always do the check dance and up until this night the guy always insists on paying. Nope, not this night. I casually said "do you want me to pay anything?" Expecting him to say "No, I got this" ( or something to that effect), he instead threw a curve ball at me with "Sure, if you want to." Well shit...what do you say that? I have already offered so I can't retract that but I was legitimately dumbfounded. And quite frankly totally turned off. So, we split the bill and he has the balls to say "don't worry I got the ice cream" - oh really?? WOW thanks for splurging on my $2 ice cream - you're my night in shining armor! Oh then it gets better!! When we got to the ice cream parlor we realized, after ordering, that it was a cash only. The girl had already scooped our ice cream but told us about an ATM just across the street so he went to get money while I stayed behind. The fucking cheapskate has the audacity to text me to leave since we already had our ice cream - he asked me to steal 2 dollar ice cream...REALLY??!! So unattractive. I pretended like I didn't get the text so he had to come back and pay. What a real douche bag this guy is turning out to be. I couldn't wait for the date to be over. He drove me home after ice cream and I could tell he wanted me to lean in for the kiss but instead I got out of that car faster than a Kenyan can run a marathon. We did not speak after that.

It blows my mind to think about the quality of some guys out there. I know that there are some really great ones but there are some really shitty ones too. It's almost like manners don't matter anymore, chivalry is certainly dying and some people's morals are definitely questionable. Recently I have noticed that California boys in-particular are so laid back that it's like they were never taught how to respectfully treat a woman. Of course I don't want to lump all Califonria guy's in this catagory but through my research I am finding more and more that men from out of state have a better sense of manners and chivalry - opening doors, pulling out chairs, PAYING FOR FIRST DATES! etc...

Lesson #7 - To any and all men our there, please learn or refine your manners. It's really not that hard and believe me it goes a long way. While some women say that stuff doesn't matter ( I used to be one of them ) once you've had someone who does do all of that stuff you find it pretty endearing and actually important. And to all the ladies out there... make sure you make a least some form of gesture to pay for something. Hopefully you are with a man who is respectful enough to not make you pay. Sometimes what I do is if we go to get drinks after dinner I'll insist on at least paying for drinks (or at least the first one). The day I have kids, if any of them are boys I will make sure they know how to treat a women right - we're worth it!

"I Gotta Feeling"

When Robert and I first broke up I was a complete mess (as I'm sure anyone who has had their heart ripped from their chest and stomped on - then burned into ashes) can imagine. At that time all I wanted was to be in a relationship. Being someone's girlfriend felt so right and I had a vision set in my head of what I wanted - the whole shebang... I wasn't sure if I was ready or even wanted to go back on match but I figured I had such success the first time why not?

The thing that I like about sites like match.com is it allows you to be picky. Sure you are ultamately judging a book by it's cover but isn't that what we do most of the time anyway? You don't look across the bar and find a guy/girl and say "wow I bet they have a great personality"...no - you look at them and immedietly know if you are physically attracted. Granted, if someone is hot and has a shitty personality if can take away from their looks and vise versa. But when we are talking about first glance...we all judge - it's what we do. And for the record I usually do judge books by their cover - if I like the cover then I read the back, then I read the first few pages and if that captivates me I'll buy the book. The same process is applied to match.com. I see a picture of a guy and if I like it then I click on the profile. I read the "stats" (height, age, body type..) and if that checks out I read the rest of the profile. Then, if by the end of the profile I am convinced then I will "wink" or send a message. (I know this part was totally unnecessary but it gives you a little look at how the online dating process works for those of you reading this who might be interested in trying it out.)

Okay, so getting back on track...

About a month after the break up I decided to renew my subscription. When Robert and I were together we deleted out profiles. But this was good because I was a new person, looking for new things and it was only right that I created a new profile. Vitabella5 was officially back on the market -BRING ON THE MEN!!!....no BOYS allowed!

Within a week or two I began emailing a lot with this one guy. He was very cute, well spoken (written) and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. We started talking on the phone and our conversations would go on for hours. It seemed like we wanted the same things out life. Of course I went through my usual process of picturing the "what could be" vision. There was only one thing that was standing in the way of this vision. I couldn't get over the fact that he wasn't just tall he was extra tall - 6'5'' tall. Did I mention that I'm just shy of 5'3"?? My first college boyfriend was 6'3" and so I kept trying to convince myself that those extra two inches wouldn't be that much of a difference.

We decided to finally go on a date and see what kind of chemistry we really had. While I was really excited to finally meet him I kept having a feeling that his height was just going to be a deal breaker. I tried really hard to not let that be the deciding factor if everything else about him checked out. However, the negative thoughts just kept rolling through my head. Everywhere I went I would ask friends, co-workders and yes even strangers if it would be weird for someone of my height to date someone of his height. I kept picturing how awkard that might look (Lenny and George from Of Mice and Men?) Weird. In my spare time I acutally Googled famous couples who had extreme height differences, such as Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. This was getting out of hand. I needed to just let it go.

For our date we agreed on going to a Giants game on a Saturday afternoon. At the time this seemed like a perfect date!...cute boy, baseball and beer - I mean what could be better on a sunny afternoon? Since going to the game was my idea I was planning on paying for the tickets but being a gentleman he went ahead and bought them - and not even just the bleacher seats were talkin' the $50 seats. I was impressed. He told me that he would pick me up at 12 for the 1 o'clock game.

Getting ready for a baseball game is usually easy, however, when it's a first date it makes it a little more challenging. Do I look cute, hot, decked out in Giants gear? I decided to combine all three elements with a finalized outfit of cute cut off jeans with my Giants jersey (cute and sporty element - √ ), hair and make up done extra nice (sex appeal - √ ).

He picked me up and since he didn't actually get out of the car I still hadn't gotten the full effect of seeing how tall he really is. Of course since it's a baseball game I am in flats. When we arrived it literally took 7 seconds for me to realize that not only was this guy gigantic but it just wasn't going to work out romantically. Call me shallow, call me ridiculous but I just can't deal with that kind of height. Walking up to the stadium I kept glancing in reflective windows, catching glimpses of just how stupid I felt we looked standing next to each other. Of course he was really nice and we ended up having a good time but there was also one other element I didn't think about when choosing what to do for our date. As much as I love baseball I forgot to take into account just how long baseball games are. When going on a typical date you can easily escape after one drink or even after dinner, but when you go to a baseball game you are committing to at least 2 1/2 hours with this person you're meeting for the first time. This sets up some potentially awkward silences. Thank god for the sound of the ball park so that during these silences it's not utter silence! Finally the game ended and he drove me home. Naturally, when exiting the car I thanked him for a great day (ok, great might have been pushing it) and I told him "talk to you later, we should totally hang out again"...lies, all lies. Not sure why we do this, as if it's some post dating protocol, but I should have just thanked and left. However, I always find myself telling the guy we should "do it again sometime"even when that is exactly the opposite of my intentions...(For any FRIENDS fan's out there this is similar to a problem Chandler had when trying to break things off with Rachel's boss). Needless to say we did not talk ever again - oh well!

Lesson #6 - Intuitions are a funny thing. When we have intuitions about something it's usually only after we do that something that we say "I should have trusted my intuition" - and it's true. There is something deep inside all of us in which we have some unexplainable gifts but because we are human and make mistakes it's easy to neglect these feelings. Whether it's a serious issue or not it's good to trust your intuition.

Also - I found this article and think it's a quite interesting - and it hits home to my personal dating life and possibly yours as well so check it out!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/why-the-guy-whos-not-your-type-may-be-mr-right-1400862/

"So Much for My Happy Ending"

Initially I was going to walk you through the next six months of my life. I was going to give you the inside look to how much I fell in love with Robert - how I truly believed he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But after much thought I realized that for how much I was in love with him the reality is he dumped me and broke my heart straight in two. And I could get into all the details but the truth is while trying to write this all down proved to be a little harder on me than I thought it would be. So, I am going to give a 30 second run down of it all just so you can get up to speed with my life. Here it goes...

After that first date we went on a second date before he left for an annual 2 week Costa Rica surf trip with his best friends family. He ended up leaving it early and came home. From that day on we were basically inseparable. Within a couple weeks he had made me a key to his apartment, rearranged the furniture in his place and began to call it "our apartment." By month 2 I was basically living with him. His mom came out to visit, we traveled to Philly to see his best friends, we hiked, traveled by motorcycle all around the coast, sailed the bay and frequently spent beautiful nights in the hills of Belmont at his Aunt and Uncles house. Everything felt right, and everything felt real. We were in love and there was nothing that I THOUGHT could come between us. However, 6 months later he proved me wrong.

One thing about Robert, which I knew about him going into the relationship, was that he had a huge fear of commitment. However, since all of our "couple-y" decisions were his idea I thought (as every girl dreams) that I was the girl worth changing for.

Unfortunately, I fell victim to a man who thought he wanted a grown up relationship when in reality he didn't want that at all. He is a great person but a person who could easily end up alone for the rest of his life - not unhappy - but alone by choice. I, on the other, hand know what I want. At the young age of 24 I thought I wanted to settle down and when Robert broke up with me it made me realize that I am still young and don't need to get married and have babies right now. Of course, I eventually want to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love and have a family - but for now I think living in the city and dating are just the ticket to happiness.

About a month later I decided to go back on match.com. It was time to get back out there and meet some guys. I figured I would double my chances considering I live in a city full of good looking single people so why not go out and meet guys and scroll through profiles "winking" at each cute boy that catches my eye. So, I revamped my profile, new name, new attitude same goal.

Match.com round 2 - here we go!!